Tattered and Torn by KesleyPotter

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 07/08/2005
Last Updated: 15/08/2005
Status: In Progress

What if everything you'd ever known, everything you'd come to believe, was suddenly
stood on end? How do you stand right-side-up in an upside-down world? And how do you love your
family--the only family you have--family you just met--when you're too afraid of the past to
embrace the future?




1. The Unexpected Surprise
--------------------------

Lily met her eyes in the mirror as she combed her hair, just like she did every morning. And
like every morning, she repeated the litany of her heart to her reflection. "You are not what
you appear. You are black and rotten inside. You have sold your immortal soul to the devil. Only by
begging for forgiveness will God consider taking your miserable life into His eternal home. You
heartless hind, you left them both and never looked back. Dead or alive, no one deserves
that."

Her eyes met a picture in the top right corner of her mirror, and she began to cry. It was a
picture from Christmas sixteen years before—the only picture she had salvaged. Remus was seated at
the piano; Lily, James, and Sirius stood behind him, singing along. Sirius held a small, chubby,
happy baby in his arms, who was smiling one of the biggest smiles Lily had ever seen and clapping
as his family sang. It only reminded Lily of everything she had lost, all she had done and all
she’d left behind.

Voldemort had entered her home Halloween fifteen years before. She had run with Harry while
James tried to fight him off…but James had died in the attempt. Lily had been determined to die
defending Harry, but Voldemort had only stunned her. It had definitely been the Killing Curse, but
obviously Voldemort had been more preoccupied with getting to Harry than actually killing her. When
she woke up, the house was destroyed and Harry was gone. She knew—she just *knew* her baby had
been destroyed. And she’d run for it without looking back.

She had come to this little village, as far from her home as she could. The pastor of the local
church had taken her in, though he knew nothing of her past or guilt. She had been here ever since,
trying to absolve herself of her sins, working as a piano teacher. Fifteen long years. Everyone
called her Tizzy (her students called her Miss Tizzy) because she’d been such a mess when she
arrived. As yet she hadn’t told them her real name. She was just Tizzy.

Controlling her tears, she pulled her hair back into the school-mar’m bun she always wore and
headed into the living room to wait for her first student of the day.

**Meanwhile, an ocean away…**

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, wake up, wake up, wake up!"

James groaned a little and opened his eyes. Hazel eyes and white-gold tresses swam above him
blearily.

"Yay! Daddy’s up!"

James laughed a little, sat up, and reached for his glasses. "Good morning,
Princess."

Five-year-old Erin beamed. "Morning, Daddy. Jamie said it was time to get up."

"Tell Jamie I’m on my way."

"Okey-dokey."

After a quick shower, James entered the kitchen. "Morning, lassies."

"Morning, Daddy," chorused his daughters.

His daughters. James had never thought he’d have any…not after Halloween fifteen years before,
when Lily—his Lily—his childhood bride and the love of his life—and his little boy had been killed.
All in one night. He’d woken up—God only knew how, he was sure Voldemort had used the Killing
Curse—and looked frantically for Lily and Harry. Both of them were gone. Certain they had been
destroyed—would they have left him otherwise?—and stricken by grief, he had left town without even
bothering to look for Remus or Sirius.

After some aimless wandering, he had wound up by the docks, where he bought a ticket on the
first boat he could get, one that happened to be coming to America. He’d been there ever since.

And it was where he had met Leanne. They’d gone out a couple of times, and when she proposed he
accepted before he thought about it, hoping Leanne would heal the hole in his heart. She hadn’t. No
matter what happened, he’d never been able to banish Lily from his thoughts. No matter how many
times he’d held one of his daughters—his and Leanne’s—in his arms, he couldn’t forget holding
Harry.

Jamie—Jamesina—was the oldest. She was thirteen. A third year student at Salem. He’d spoken to
the Headmaster the day Jamie’s letter arrived—before he’d told Jamie—and been assured that all the
paperwork would be ready should the family return to England. James doubted he ever would—Leanne
had never wanted to go—but he would be prepared. Now he was glad he had. Jamie had James’s messy
dark hair and hazel eyes, but like Leanne her vision was perfect.

Virginia was next, age eleven. She had her mother’s long golden locks and soft blue eyes—she
looked just like her mother. James dreaded the arrival of her Salem letter…he didn’t know why, he
just did. He was glad he had Erin around; Virginia looked too much like he imagined Harry would,
had he lived. She had a sunny smile and a personality to match.

Erin was the baby. She strongly favoured Leanne, but she had James’s hazel eyes. She was a
fairly typical five-year-old—she gave huge hugs, she had a mild lisp, a charming way of capturing
everyone’s hearts, and she was thrilled about starting school that fall.

*Leanne would have been proud,* James thought, looking around at his girls. Every time he
thought of Leanne, he knew that he hadn’t loved her the way he loved Lily; while he couldn’t think
of Lily without wanting to cry, thoughts of Leanne just gave him a mild, dull ache. She had died
three months before, killed in a random shooting.

In fact, it was this that gave him the courage to say what he was about to tell his girls.
Leanne would never have approved of the "trip", but James had to get back, find Remus and
Sirius, see Lily and Harry’s graves. "Girls," he began, taking a seat seriously,
"how would you like to explore your roots?"

Jamie’s eyes lit up. "We get to go to New Jersey?"

"No, not your mother’s roots. My roots. How would you like to go to England?"

"Ooh, do you mean it, Daddy?" Virginia asked excitedly. "We really and truly get
to go?"

"I’ve booked tickets. We leave on Monday."

Erin grinned. "Yay!"

Jamie frowned slightly. "How long are we going to be gone, Dad?"

James hesitated. "Well…you know, we have no reason to stay here. I thought we’d move back
there."

Jamie’s face fell. "Daddy, what about my school? I’d have to go so far away from
home…"

"You’d transfer to Hogwarts. That’s where I went to school. Would you like that?"

Jamie leapt up, her face lighting up again. "Yes!"

James smiled fondly. "Good. Then it’s settled…Go pack what you’ll need for about two weeks.
I’ll have Patty and Harold send the rest of it along later."

~~~

"You’re sure, Sir?" Remus asked incredulously, staring at Dumbledore.

"Positive. There’s no mistaking it."

Remus stared in shock, first at Dumbledore and then at the two small instruments that were
humming madly. "Why didn’t this work before?"

"I had so many gadgets and gizmos crammed in here they were interfering with these two.
Harry broke a lot of them in a mad rage last month—not that I blame him; in fact, I’m glad he did
now—and all of a sudden these came alive. There can be no misunderstanding. Lily and James are
alive—Lily in a small village in the south of England, James in a large town in America."

Remus swallowed. "Do they…I mean, why have they been there all these years?"

Dumbledore sighed and folded his hands on his desk. "I don’t know for sure, but I have a
theory. I believe that when they awoke in the rubble—which must have been after Sirius and Hagrid
left with Harry, having seen their bodies—they found Harry gone and the house destroyed. Each must
have assumed that the other had been completely destroyed, along with Harry, and run without a
backwards look, grieving. In all likelihood they’ve been cut off from the wizarding world, through
accident or design, so they have no idea that Harry is alive."

Remus gripped his hands together tightly, trying to keep all his emotions in check. "What
are we going to do now?"

Dumbledore gave him a half-smile. "I would assume that the first thing to do is tell
Harry."

"I think that should be the last thing we do. I don’t want to raise any false hopes…Lily
and James may have settled into new lives and may not want to accept right away that their son is
alive. I don’t want to hurt Harry any more than he already has been." Remus’s voice grew soft.
"Two hard blows in two short months would kill him."

Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully. "I believe you’re right. All right, I am turning this over
to your capable hands. Speak to them when you see fit."



2. 3-2-1 Contact
----------------

"Excuse me," Remus said politely to the man passing by, who stopped. "I was
wondering if you could help me find a friend of mine."

"My son, I’m the pastor of this village," the man said with a smile. "I know
everyone. Who is your friend?"

Remus hesitated. He guessed Lily wouldn’t have given her right name. "She’s about my
height, mid-thirties, long red hair, bright green eyes…" *Like Harry’s,* he added
silently to himself, a small ache in his heart as he thought of the boy who had come to mean so
much to him. "She’s probably been here for about fifteen years."

The pastor brightened. "Ah, you mean Tizzy!"

"Tizzy?"

"Obviously—or assumedly—that isn’t her real name, but we call her Tizzy. She was in such a
state when she arrived that she seemed like a Tizzy, so that’s what we call her. She’s never given
us her real name." The pastor nodded. "She lives at the parsonage with me—straight down
that way, the white house with red geraniums in the window boxes. You can’t miss it."

"Thank you, sir."

"Any time."

The pastor continued down the street. Remus headed off in the direction the former had
indicated. It didn’t take him long to find the little house. A woman about the pastor’s age was
puttering in the garden. Two young children, one about eight and one about six, were playing on the
lawn; an older boy, perhaps twelve, was helping the woman. It was he who noticed Remus first.
"Mum…"

The woman looked over and smiled. "Can I help you?"

*I hope this isn’t Lily.* "I’m looking for…er…Tizzy."

"She’s in the living room." The woman gestured to the eight-year-old little girl.
"Katie, show him the living room."

"Do you have a piano lesson?" Katie asked as she led Remus up to the porch.

The question threw Remus. "Piano lesson? No, why?"

"Miss Tizzy usually never has visitors unless they’re coming for piano lessons."

Remus smiled in spite of himself. "Well, I doubt there’s anything about the piano Miss
Tizzy can teach me. She’s an old friend of mine, and as I recall *I* taught *her* how to
play the piano."

Katie looked confused. "Oh."

Someone was playing the piano in the living room as the two walked in. Remus recognised the
hymn—it was *Of the Father’s Love Begotten,* Lily’s favourite hymn and one he had taught her
to play. Katie beckoned him in, then ran ahead of him to the living room.

"Someone’s here to see you, Miss Tizzy," Remus heard Katie say as he approached.
"He says he’s your old piano teacher. I’m going back outside, okay?"

"All right, Katie," said a frighteningly familiar voice. "Thank you very
much."

Katie darted past Remus. "All set."

"Thank you, Miss Katie," Remus told her kindly. She grinned and scampered off, and he
proceeded on his own to the living room.

A tall, slender, woebegone red-haired woman was seated at the piano, her fingers lightly resting
on the keys. She had begun playing *Angels from the Realms of Glory.*

"It jumps to a C, not a B," Remus corrected the woman as she tried to reach the higher
register.

"Oh, thanks," the woman said, not looking up. "Can I help you with
anything?"

Remus sat down next to her. "You can confirm my suspicions."

"What suspicions?" the woman said, still studying the ivory keys.

"I suspect that you aren’t really Miss Tizzy, the nameless, past-less piano teacher who
boards at the parsonage. I suspect that you’re Lily Evans Potter, the bright-eyed, merry-hearted
young woman I first met twenty-some years ago."

The woman froze. Slowly, she raised her eyes. They were Harry’s eyes for sure. Remus knew he’d
found her. "How did you…" she began, but then stopped. "Remus?"

"Lily?" Remus asked again.

"You knew before you came in," Lily accused him.

Remus smiled and spread out his hands. "Guilty as charged. Lily, why have you been
here?"

"You always did like cutting right to the chase, didn’t you?"

"Lily, please. I’ve spent the past fifteen years believing you were dead. I reserve the
right to cut to the chase."

Lily sighed. "Okay, okay. I…Remus, I had to get out. I had to get away. I couldn’t live
with myself."

"Why? What did you do? I’m the one who wasn’t there for my best friends when they needed
me."

"No…Remus, I couldn’t save them."

Remus blinked. "Save who?"

"James and Harry. I remember clearly…when You-Know-Who caught up to me, I put Harry on the
hall table behind me. When I came to afterwards—God knows how much later it was—Harry was gone. He
must’ve been destroyed when the house blew up. And James…James was lying in the rubble…he was dead,
Remus." Tears spilled out of her emerald eyes. "I couldn’t save them, either of them. I
wasn’t strong enough…I let my baby die."

"Lily." Remus put one hand on each of her shoulders and stared intently into her eyes.
"You haven’t been in contact with anyone from our world since then, have you?"

"N-no, of course not. Why?"

Remus hesitated. "This is going to be a shock. Lily, they’re all right."

"What?"

"They’re both alive—Harry’s famous for it. Everyone knew he’d survived, but we were all
sure you and James were dead. Dumbledore had these instruments tracking you, he only found out you
two were alive a couple days ago—too much interference from the other instruments."

Lily looked up, her mouth slightly open. "Harry…and James…are alive?"

"Yes."

"And everyone thought I was dead?"

"Yes."

Lily leapt up. "I have to see them!" she practically shrieked. "I have to
apologise…I have to tell them…"

"Lily, calm down," Remus said, standing up himself. "Please. We have to take this
slowly. James is on his way here—he’s been in America, but he’ll be here soon—I’ll contact him when
he gets here. And Harry…God, Lily, Harry’s convinced you were dead. He’s lived through hell the
last few years. A shock this big—you two turning up out of the blue—could kill him. Let me break it
to him slowly, okay? I’ll keep you updated regularly. And I promise, the minute you can see him—or
James—I’ll let you know."

Lily took several deep, calming breaths. "Okay," she said finally. "Keep me
posted."



